You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
