turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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