A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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