New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
