oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
