I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
