no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
