Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
