STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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