he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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