ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
is wine microwaveable?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
