dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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