Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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