im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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