Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
