apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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