So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
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