i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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