I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
