Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
