I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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