My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
don't judge my taste in strippers
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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