Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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