Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
