Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
