im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
