Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
