absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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