my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
