I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
