Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
All I want is dick and wine.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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