Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
