he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
