im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
