No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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