I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
