You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You are a genius and a whore.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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