Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
