She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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