omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
