He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
