would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
