Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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