She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
