forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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