i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
