i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
