I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
