There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
