I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
